A Visit from DBA Nick

A Visit from DBA Nick

'Twas the week before launch, when all through the cubes,
Not a geek was sleeping, not even the slouch;
The servers were stacked in the rack with care,
In hopes this project’s end soon would be there;

The bosses were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of bonuses danced in their heads;
And I, the team lead--a database pro--
Had just settled down for a hot cup of joe,
When from the server room there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter.
Away to the console I flew like a flash,
Logged in on the keyboard with a slam and a bash.

The glare on the screen of my shiny new box
Revealed the failure of our audit for SOX.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a fast-moving dolly that flew past quite near,
With a skinny young driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be DBA Nick.

More rapid than eagles his techies they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Index! Now, Defrag! Now, Set-Based and Query!
On, SourceSafe! On SQL! On, .NET and Windows!
To the end of the Gant Chart! Under budget for fall!
Now bugs away! Bugs away! Bugs away all!"

As I drew back my hand, and was turning around,
From the snack room DBA Nick came with a bound.
His khakis were dotted with ketchup from lunch,
And his raggedy T-shirt looked wadded and bunched;
T-SQL scripts he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a ping waiting for ack.
The stump of a Twinkie he held tight in his teeth,
And the cream it encircled his lips like a wreath;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And fixed all our apps without being a jerk.
And laying his slide rule aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the elevator he rose;
He sprang to his dolly, to his devs gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Soon this project will end, and you’ll have a good-night!"

Happy Holidays, everyone!

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