[Root] Access is an advice column for IT professionals.

My Manager Promised a Chill Meeting. I Got Ambushed Instead.

An IT professional was asked by their manager to attend a routine-sounding meeting, only to be grilled about a security breach.

Danielle Meinert, Contributor

September 26, 2024

3 Min Read
a casually dressed it professionals is awkwardly projected on a video call screen in front of a large professional audience

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Dear [Root] Access,

My manager recently asked me to attend a late evening video meeting as a “third horse,” describing it as a routine discussion with a customer about spec requirements. It sounded like not a big deal. He said I “could probably” be camera off, muted, and just listen in, and in return, I could take a comp day on Friday. It seemed like a minor request, so I agreed.

This meeting turned out to be something entirely different. 

The customer focused on a recent security threat and ransomware attack, with external auditors from the Fed present due to our involvement in DoD-related products requiring security clearance. Instead of the casual setup that my manager had led me to expect, I spent several hours getting grilled about our security platform, procedures, and incident response. I was NOT off camera, but my manager sure was.

Considering the circumstances, I did fine – I know my stuff, and we followed procedures to the letter – but I would have appreciated knowing the true nature of the meeting beforehand. Plus, if I had known I was definitely the focus of the discussion, I would have put on a shirt with a collar instead of a Nirvana tee.

Related:Cybersecurity Quiz 2024: Test Your IT Security Knowledge

Now I wonder if my manager intentionally set me up to take the fall or if he genuinely didn’t know the meeting’s real agenda. Either way, this feels like a noose.

—Third Horse  

Dear Third Horse,

This kind of surprise meeting could throw anyone off their game. That makes it easy to jump to conclusions about your manager’s intentions. However, you’re right. There could be many explanations for what happened. For example:

  • Your manager knew what this meeting would be about, intentionally misrepresented it to convince you to join, and bailed because he knew he was personally unprepared. 

  • Your manager genuinely intended you to be a “third horse” and shadow the call, but he was just as caught off-guard as you. 

  • Your manager mixed up their meeting topics while suffering from post-COVID brain fog, chronic fatigue, or a rare brain-eating amoeba they picked up from swimming in a pond.  

Your reaction is valid, regardless of your manager’s intentions. Your manager asked you to attend the meeting as a third horse, and you were put through the wringer. But to take a professional next step, you must approach the situation with curiosity and openness. If you haven’t yet discussed it, your manager likely doesn’t know how this experience affected you. If you’d like to prevent a similar corporate plot twist in the future, you’ll need to provide feedback for your manager.

Related:What Cybersecurity Memes Reveal About the Industry

A good manager will be grateful to hear your feedback because much of their job is to help you be successful. I recommend using a simple Behavior → Effect feedback model to increase the likelihood of the feedback landing well. This structure encourages you to take a step back so you can explain objectively what happened and how it impacted you. 

  • Behavior: When you did this...

  • Effect: This happened. 

  • Question: In the future, could you…?

Here’s how I might use this model during a 1:1 meeting: 

Hi, [Manager]. Can I share some feedback about the security meeting? When you asked me to attend as a third horse, I agreed and prepared to shadow. However, I no longer felt prepared when the group asked me security questions. In the future, could you give me additional details about meetings and how I’ll be expected to participate? 

chart showing a behavior-effect-question model example

Giving a manager feedback can be nerve-wracking. What matters is that you get closure and support from your manager, who, perhaps unwittingly, put you in this situation. 

Check out more insight into soft skills:

Related:What IT Soft Skills Tech Talent Scouts Look for in Job Candidates

[Root] Access is an advice column for IT pros. Submit questions here.

About the Author

Danielle Meinert

Contributor

Danielle has driven learning and development at tech companies like Zapier, Dropbox, and Guild. She loves to help people grow and learn. You can find her in Atlanta taking long walks with her adopted miniature poodles, Rosie and Daisy.

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